ineke.co.uk

"HELLO, I'M NOT ANTON" #Strictly pic.twitter.com/LA9SnWRbpe

— BBC Strictly ✨ (@bbcstrictly) December 12, 2020

Five years ago today, the world gathered to adopt the Paris Agreement on climate change.

And in 39 days, the United States is going to rejoin it.

We’re going to rally the world to push our progress further and faster and tackle the climate crisis head-on.

— Joe Biden (@JoeBiden) December 12, 2020

BREAKING: With a no deal with the EU looking likely, the UK government proudly announces trade deals with Narnia, Wakanda, Genovia, Panem, Sokovia, Neverland, Gondor, Loompaland and The Land Of Oz.

— Dave (@davechannel) December 13, 2020

The steam train illuminations at @Watercress_Line look BRILLIANT. pic.twitter.com/6Zzu99JtIf

— Tim Dunn (@MrTimDunn) December 13, 2020

Some days the combination of Covid and impending Brexit seems very hard to take.

— Jojo Moyes (@jojomoyes) December 14, 2020

Bing seeing the Google news: pic.twitter.com/XbCZkvvKSA

— UNILAD (@UNILAD) December 14, 2020

The MOT is an annual test to ensure that your car is roadworthy. We will introduce a ROT, an annual test to make sure all roads are car worthy.
#Manicfesto

— 📢 oFFiCiaL mONsTEr rAvINg lOOnY PArTy 🎩 (@Official_MRLP) December 12, 2020

Same day pic.twitter.com/RUHZO9MPWb

— James Felton (@JimMFelton) December 14, 2020

BREAKING: Chris Rea has been fined for travelling from a Tier 3 to a Tier 2 area.

— Dave (@davechannel) December 16, 2020

We have relaxed the rules at Jurassic Park this Christmas! For 5 days this Christmas you can go around the whole park, if you want to that is, it's up to you, the dinosaurs are still loose, but it's important people can see the park!

— TechnicallyRon (On all the platforms) (@TechnicallyRon) December 16, 2020

Whenever I see someone trying to parallel park I avert my eyes and continue walking giving them the privacy they need because I’m a decent human being

— Tomi Obaro (@TomiObaro) December 16, 2020

Rail fares to rise above inflation for first time in eight years, coming as hugely frustrating news to the 14 people still using trains.

— Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) December 16, 2020

This is mad and I love it https://t.co/VlfxaK2OQ2

— Greg James (@gregjames) December 16, 2020

"Make my wish come true, all I want for Christmas is tier 2" 🎁

Redcar Conservative MP Jacob Young is hoping some Mariah magic may help ease restrictions in his constituencyhttps://t.co/Pn44WdhhNI pic.twitter.com/4MWLU8ANgH

— BBC Politics (@BBCPolitics) December 14, 2020

Was this asked about at the #downstreetbriefing #dailybriefing? RT @BestForBritain: This is going to haunt the Prime Minister for quite some time…#PMQs pic.twitter.com/Hukko5aY68

— TheCornflake (@TheCornflake) December 16, 2020

As anger mounts over Dominic Cummings’ £40k pay rise, No 10 says it was mainly to cover petrol.

— Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) December 17, 2020

And yes, we have done this. Our family Christmas plans have been shelved, which hurts, but not as much as burying a relative.

— Martin Saunders (@martinsaunders) December 17, 2020

(GLANCING AT PREDICTED DELIVERY DATES) Kids, this year is a very special Christmas and it’s actually on December 28th.

— Mark Watson (@watsoncomedian) December 17, 2020

I wish those 3 ghosts would bloody well hurry up and visit Boris Johnson.

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) December 17, 2020

Why does Matt Hancock sit down like Woody in Toy Story when a human enters the room pic.twitter.com/uJOrAWJiTU

— Calgie (@christiancalgie) December 17, 2020

My vulnerable parents have just told me they aren’t going to my brother’s for Christmas after all (my brother lives locally and has bubbled with them) ‘It seems daft to risk it now Our Katie, we’ll just get a chicken in, we’ll be fine.’

I couldn’t love them more

— Kate Bottley (@revkatebottley) December 17, 2020

And the bad news just keeps on coming.https://t.co/HbTiX8sODT

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) December 17, 2020

We’ve heard people are worried that Santa might not be able to visit this year, so we’ve come up with a cunning, hygienic, and – most importantly – stylish solution… pic.twitter.com/dPFIxMD412

— innocent drinks (@innocent) December 15, 2020

People can't get any crosser with us right now so might as well get this stuff off our chest:

Scone is pronounced like "on"
Quite like a Bounty
No strong opinions on Marmite
Never seen Home Alone
Dave should have won Bake Off (no offence Peter)
Socks and sandals is a good look

— innocent drinks (@innocent) December 18, 2020

Almighty God, who through your Son has given us eternal hope, grant us the same ambition for the Gospel as a labrador carrying home a stick that is too big for its head, so we might communicate your love and joy to all peoples; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen #collectfortoday

— Kate Bottley (@revkatebottley) December 18, 2020

Idea for an app that connects local people who like Bounty celebrations with those who like Snickers so they can trade their respective scraps boxing day.

— Jim'll Paint It (@Jimllpaintit) December 18, 2020

The best thing about Christmas is when the scissors glide through the wrapping paper and for a moment you feel like a master seamstress in the 18th century cutting silk for a gown to be worn by royalty. Also roast potatoes.

— Dave (@davechannel) December 18, 2020

Alexa. Show me what taking back control looks like. https://t.co/Jf5S4AKruf

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) December 18, 2020

Get confused about where The Faroe and/or The Falklands are? Then this is the present for you! Available now at https://t.co/d91NTNFv4j pic.twitter.com/RRT0TgwRXx

— John Robins (@nomadicrevery) December 18, 2020

I'm currently competing with Barack Obama to have the Christmas number 1 book. Sure he won the Nobel Peace Prize and ran the free world, but does he have a TV Choice Award? Your move, Bazza.

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) December 18, 2020

Honest to christ, just wait a few months for a vaccine. Stop encouraging your inexplicable amount of followers to see high risk relatives, they'll be the first group to get the vaccine. pic.twitter.com/CjPnubENWY

— James Felton (@JimMFelton) December 18, 2020

"I'm not afraid of dying" sure but like, wait two months then you can meet up without the possible death thing.

— James Felton (@JimMFelton) December 18, 2020

If this crashes with Strictly I swear to god pic.twitter.com/eya1z0uQtN

— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) December 19, 2020

When saying there is going to be a major press conference with bad news about Christmas, why can't you show up on time? Grr.

— Katharine W-R (@kwelbyroberts) December 19, 2020

Well done Prime Minister. It’s a horrible decision, but the right one.

To everyone who is feeling huge anxiety, disappointment or sadness right now- I am so sorry. There really was no option, but that doesn’t make it any easier.

Let’s take care of one another, if only online.

— Martin Saunders (@martinsaunders) December 19, 2020

BREAKING: Driving home for Christmas now banned on all UK radio stations.

— Dave (@davechannel) December 19, 2020

Dear friends take heart.
Christmas is not cancelled no matter how our celebration plans must change.
The light shines in the darkness no matter what tier you are in.
God offer of peace and joy to the world still stands no matter who or where you are.

— Dr Krish Kandiah OBE (@krishk) December 19, 2020

If we can cancel Christmas, then *whispers* can we take a moment to reconsider Brexit…?

— Chine McDonald (@ChineMcDonald) December 19, 2020

Your reminder that the government forced London boroughs to keep schools open against their will five days ago

— Jonathan Lis (@jonlis1) December 19, 2020

Cancelling Xmas 6 days before Xmas because you couldn’t face the pain of cancelling Xmas 10 days before Xmas.

— Duncan Weldon (@DuncanWeldon) December 19, 2020

“As prime minister it’s my job to take tough decisions”

Make no mistake: we’re in this mess because he hasn’t, can’t or won’t, until it’s too late.

— Peter Kyle MP (@peterkyle) December 19, 2020

Jesus was born in the spring.
Christmas should be then anyway.
Turkey and sprouts on the BBQ.

— Paul Kerensa (@paulkerensa) December 19, 2020

Hi @waitrose, I’ve bought a large Turkey but I’d like to swap it for 12 tubs of ice cream instead. And a bottle of gin. Can I do this in store?

— Nic Keaney 💀 (@NicKeaney) December 19, 2020

Last train out of Saigon. Queue at St Pancras as we wait to board the Leeds bound train. pic.twitter.com/cFDBDNnYFC

— Harriet Clugston (@HarrietClugston) December 19, 2020